


solace at your door

by skeletonqueen



Series: Akusai Month 2019 [4]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Akusai Month 2019, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, idk how to appropriately tag things but just kno theyre like 16 here, post-bbs, this gets a bit ouchie ouch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-28 10:10:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19810126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skeletonqueen/pseuds/skeletonqueen
Summary: Axel has been neglecting his responsibilities in the newly-formed Organization, leading to conflict with the Superior.





	solace at your door

**Author's Note:**

> this got way longer than i actually intended, and its probably a little darker than intended too. this takes place about half a year before the fall of radiant garden, and axel and saix are around 16 here. with that and the tags in mind, please look after yourself!

When he had found himself in the Grey Room that morning, Xigbar was lounging in one of the sofas reading some sort of book. He’d glanced at Axel briefly before returning to the page and Axel cleared his throat, and Xigbar sighed. “Let a man finish his page, will ya?” Axel stood awkwardly in the silence as Xigbar ignored him. He couldn’t even tell if he was actually reading or if he was just trying to piss him off.

Xigbar made a long show of turning the page over slowly and dog-earing the corner, tossing it to his side before finally turning back to Axel. “Alright kiddo, simple recon job today. That desert place, you been there before right?” Axel gave him a small nod. “Just scope out who lives there for now, any notable factions or leaders. It’s all on here.” He held out the briefing notice and Axel took it, folding it in half and slipping it into his pocket without bothering to look at it.

Axel sat down opposite the older man, mirroring him. He threw his arms behind his head and backed into the sofa defiantly. “Well, what if I don’t feel like it?” He ignored how Xigbar’s eye narrowed at him for a brief second.

He rose to his feet, grinning down at Axel, his smile all teeth and malice. “You do whatever it is you wanna do, kiddo. I’m just here to pass on the boss man’s message, and you were the last one for today.” He went out of his way to ruffle Axel’s hair as he walked passed, flattening the short spikes down with a laugh. Axel knew it wasn’t an action that was supposed to be endearing or kind, the intent behind it was condescension. It was something that Axel had been all too familiar with from his life before, something that would have sparked his ire but now it just reminded him of faint annoyance.

He had been slacking on his assignments for two weeks, and he had skipped out on every single assignment he had been given this week. Axel didn’t like the missions in the first place. The reconnaissance, the sneaking around, infiltrating worlds he was unfamiliar with all so he could learn more about them for someone else’s plans.

Before the Organization, he knew he would have found the sneaking around fun, at least if it had been on his own terms. He thought that perhaps the fact he was ordered to do it might have taken away from his enjoyment. Not that it mattered now anyway. Axel just didn’t have the capacity to care.

“Oh, but fair warning, though,” Xigbar added, looking back over towards the boy. “He’s in a real bad mood today.” He waved a hand over his shoulder in Axel’s direction and stepped through a dark corridor, out of sight.

Axel clicked his tongue, he and Isa – no, Saïx – had been here for five months now. In all that time he didn’t think he’d once seen the man who now went by Xemnas in a good mood. In fact he didn’t think he’d seen him in a mood that could be described as anything but sour. So what if he was in a bad mood, that wasn’t his problem.

It wasn’t until later that day, when Xemnas called for a meeting in the Round Room that it actually became Axel’s problem.

As Axel glanced around the other people in the room, he took note of who else was there aside from Xemnas. The room was remarkably empty, with only Xigbar, Xaldin and Saïx in their seats. He thought that perhaps Lexaeus and Vexen were busy doing other things, and it was a rarity to see Zexion at meetings given how young he was.

Xemnas’ voice broke the silence that had come over the Round Room. “It has come to my attention that there may have been some mishaps of late with reconnaissance.” Axel broke his eye contact with Xemnas, his eyes meeting Saïx’s instead. The other boy’s turquoise eyes narrowed at him slightly before he trained his own stare back on their _Superior_. 

“Number VIII,” Xemnas continued on, bringing his attention to Axel. “Your report today discusses how your progress was hindered by some sort of—” he glanced down momentarily at the folders he was holding. “Sandstorm?”

“Yes, Sir.” 

“I see.” He examined the folder again, humming quietly. Axel watched as his eyes darted across the page. “Did you not think it wise to search for the source of this… sandstorm?”

“No, Sir. It’s a natural weather occu—”

“Of course, you would be familiar with the natural weather phenomena of your own home world.”

“Well yeah, I—Sir?” His eyes darted to Xigbar, who was sitting up higher than him. Xigbar was staring at him pointedly, a grin on his face as he watched Axel shift in his seat. 

It happened before he could even process it, Xemnas appearing at his side in a flash, looming above him. His foot connecting with the side of his face, sending a searing pain through his jaw and making his ears ring. The force behind it sent him tumbling off the tall chair altogether. He caught the slightest hint of movement as he fell, Saïx jolting upright in his seat and Xaldin’s head tilted towards Saïx at the movement, his eyes scrutinising him.

Xemnas appeared beside him again in mid-air, landing another kick to his ribs this time. The blow left Axel gasping as he went careening through the air with the force before colliding with the solid ground chin first.

The tip of Xemnas’ boot prodded at Axel’s side roughly before he kicked at him again, forcing him onto his back. He lay sprawled across the floor, Xigbar still staring at him with that grin. He shifted his weight on so he was sitting upright, attempting to lean his weight onto his left hand sent a shooting pain right up his arm to his shoulder and he realised faintly he couldn’t move it properly. 

“Tell me.” Xemnas’ deep voice cut through the silence in the room like a knife as he stalked towards Axel, deliberately slow. “Did you think it pertinent to blatantly disregard your duties?” 

“I—” Before he could speak, Xemnas’ hand was in his hair, dragging him roughly off of his knees. He practically swung Axel, throwing him into the pillar of the throne behind him. He winced as his back hit the corner of the structure, crumpling into a heap at the bottom of it. 

“Through a rather unfortunate chain of events, it seems your negligence has come to light.” He tugged at the at Axel’s hair, forcing his head upwards to meet his stare. “You see, Xigbar made an error in assigning tasks today. Had you actually bothered to read your briefing however, you would have known that you were supposed to make your way to Radiant Garden.”

He let go of Axel’s hair, and his chin dropped to his chest. Xemnas turned his back to him as he continued. “The world that you detailed in your report is where Number IV is currently located.” Another spike of pain blossomed across his face, and he barely managed to steady himself with one hand as spots began dancing in his vision, he could taste copper across his tongue.

His face felt numb and he barely registered the cracking sound his nose made as Xemnas’ brought his knee up into Axel’s face. He felt the blood trickle down his skin, hot and sticky, the smell of it was bordering on nauseating.

There was a crackle of energy in the air and a low buzz reverberated close to Axel’s ear. He swallowed thickly as the red glow of the ethereal blade hovered dangerously close to the side of his face. Just from the proximity Axel could feel the heat radiating off of the weapon. 

“Now, I’m sure that this isn’t something that will happen again. Correct?”

“Yes, Sir.” Axel glared down at the ground, not daring to look up at Xemnas’ face.

"See to it that it doesn't.” The weapon dissipated. “For if there is a next time, I can promise you will find no mercy.”

Xemnas began moving away from Axel, his heels clicking against the floor rhythmically before coming to an abrupt stop. “Dismissed.” There was a beat of silence before Xemnas’ figure vanished through a corridor and Axel finally raised his head slightly. Xaldin merely grunted his disapproval before vacating his spot, Saïx following after him without as much as a glance at Axel.

A laugh echoed through the room and to Axel, it sounded like nails down a chalkboard. “Better luck next time, kiddo.” 

Axel remained exactly where he was even after he’d heard Xigbar take his leave for what felt like an eternity. He balled his hand into a fist and slammed it into the floor, wincing when all it would really achieve was bruised knuckles. He grimaced as he tried getting to his feet, but between the blurry vision and the pain in his chest he could barely stand. He weakly grasped at the air, opening his own corridor and getting the hell out of the Round Room.

His knees buckled as he made it to Saïx’s dimly lit room. He was pacing back and forth so rapidly it was making Axel dizzy. He was sure if he carried on he’d burn a hole through the floor. Saïx hadn’t seemed to have noticed his arrival, so he leant back against the wall and exhaled a shaky breath. “Isa… can you please… stand still.”

The other boy came to a halt, head turning to focus on him. “It’s _Saïx_ ,” he snapped. 

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.”

“What did you—why were—” Saïx was glaring at him now, trying to find the right words as he watched Axel slowly slump down the wall. “What the fuck, Lea?” It came out as a hiss.

“It’s _Axel_.”

“Oh, shut up.” He folded his arms across his chest.

He leaned his head back against the wall, turning so his cheek was flush against the cold surface and letting his eyes fall shut. He could hear Saïx moving again, if he opened his eyes he’d probably see him wringing his hands together as he debated what the best method of throttling Axel would be. The only sounds in the room were Saïx’s boots against the floor and Axel’s laboured breathing. There was a rustle of fabric before a warm hand pressed against his cheek. He hissed at the initial contact, before relaxing into the touch as Saïx’s fingertips brushed across his cheekbone, feather light.

Saïx’s voice was quiet when he next spoke. “Can you stand?”

He gave a half shrug in response. “Hurts.”

Saïx grabbed at Axel’s waist, pulling him up and ignoring the winces from his friend. Axel let out a long whistle as he caught a glimpse of his reflection in the window. “This isn’t my shade.” He got an eye roll in response as Saïx helped him settle down on the bed and began prodding at him. “Hey, watch it!”

The taller boy stood up straight, looking down at Axel who was doing his best to not just throw himself backwards onto the bed and go to sleep. Saïx’s fingers gently touched the skin around Axel’s nose and he hummed in annoyance. “Broken nose, I don’t think your jaw is fractured since you keep talking.” He pointed at his chest. “Let me look at you, please?” He began to tug at the front of Axel’s coat, receiving a half-hearted slap to his hand.

“Hey,” Axel grinned, in spite of the ache it sent through his jaw. “You could at least buy me—”

“You’re not funny, take off your coat.”

Saïx kept his eyes on Axel as struggled to shrug off the coat with one arm. He grabbed the chair, pulling it towards the bed and sat down opposite him, pointing at Axel’s left arm. “Can you move it?” Another shake of his head and Saïx sighed. Leaning over to help Axel get his arm out of sleeve. He grimaced at the sickly shade of purple across his ribs and side. Axel could see his eyes linger a moment longer on the scar over where his heart was. _Should be_. He watched as his brows knit together before he regained his composure, pointing at his arm again. “You need to see Vexen for that.”

“Like hell I do!” Axel reeled away from Saïx, groaning from the sudden movement. “Besides, he’s not even here.”

“Okay, fine. I’ll see what I can do.” Saïx rested his elbows on his knees, leaning in to Axel. “You have to talk to me though, what was that about?”

Axel poked at the purple bruising across his chest, pulling a face. “Nothing I just—”

“Please don’t lie to me.” He glanced up at the sound of his voice. He sounded so _tired_ , and it struck Axel as odd. He met Saïx’s eyes, something sparking in his chest as he scanned over the scar across his nose. “You haven’t been doing assignments? Why?”

He shifted uncomfortably under Saïx’s scrutiny, he didn’t like feeling as though he’d disappointed him, even if he knew that they couldn’t really feel that way now anyway. “I just didn’t feel like it.” Saïx let out a groan of frustration, sitting up to narrow his eyes at him. “I wish I could tell you there was some deeper reason, but the truth is that I just didn’t _want_ to. It’s been the same shit day in day out, it’s boring as hell.”

“We’re not here for entertainment!” 

“You think I don’t know that?”

“You could have _died_.”

_“I already did!”_

Saïx’s mouth hung open at his words. Axel regretted saying it the second it left his mouth. He hadn’t seen him look so worried since the incident in the lab.

“That’s not what I— Isa…” Saïx stood up, the chair scraping against the floor noisily as he tried to put as much space between him and Axel as he could. Axel reached out, every single part of him protesting against the pain as he grabbed weakly at Saïx’s sleeve. “I’m sorry.” His voice was barely audible as he mumbled it out, dropping his eyes to the floor.

The sleeve was tugged away from his fingers sharply as Saïx stared at him over his shoulder. Axel would have said he looked hurt, if it were even possible. He pulled his gloves off, throwing them on the dresser. “Stay here.”

“Isa, wait!” There was a surge of darkness, and then Axel was left sitting alone in Saïx’s room.

He grumbled as he shifted on the bed, throwing his coat to the side and swearing under his breath as his ribs strained under the movement. He pulled off his left glove first, before realising that he couldn’t get the other one off properly.

“Tch. This is so stupid.” He grabbed at the heel of one his boots, tugging at it an awkward attempt to remove it. He kicked his leg out when the boot refused to come loose, hoping to kick it off and failing miserably. He made a sound somewhere between a groan and a snarl as he kicked his leg out again. He knew Saïx was right, that he’d probably have to see Vexen about his arm and that was in and of itself _infuriating_ , but then so was realising just how useless he was without the use of the limb.

Giving up on his boots he rummaged through the pocket of his coat, pulling out the abandoned briefing from this morning. He glared at perfect penmanship across the page. In neat black ink across the paper were the words ‘Radiant Garden’ and a few lines detailing that all he had to do was monitor the castle, ensure no one was poking around where they weren’t wanted and report back.

It was that _simple_.

Xigbar had set him up, he fucking knew it. He must have figured out that Axel had been shirking responsibilities, and he set him up. If he’d just read the damn briefing instead of immediately returning to his room to nap, maybe he wouldn’t be in this mess. He scrunched the paper up, throwing it all the wall. The thing that would have pissed him off the most, was that after taking an extended nap, he’d gone home _anyway_. He wondered if that was why he’d been assigned Radiant Garden today in the first place, if someone knew he’d been sneaking off there anyway.

By the time Saïx returned, Axel had lay out on the bed, legs hanging off the side with one boot half off.

“What are you doing?” Saïx sighed softly and his voice held a hint of amusement, and Axel felt some sort of weight ease off at the sound.

He wiggled his foot in Saïx’s direction. “Isa,” he whined. “Help.”

Saïx placed a small bowl of water on the chair, and a metal box he’d retrieved on the bed. He knelt down at Axel’s feet, tugging off his boots and tossing them to the side. His own boots joining them soon after. He sat down on the bed, legs crossed and poked at Axel’s good shoulder lightly. It took him a minute, but Axel managed to sit upright, turning so he was facing Saïx.

They sat quietly as Saïx carefully took out a washcloth from the box, dropping it into the bowl of water to soak and busied himself arranging some gauze in front of himself. Neither one of them said a word as he neatly cut it into the sizes he wanted. When Saïx carefully took the cloth to Axel’s face, wiping away the blood that had dried across his jaw as gently as he could.

Axel eyed him, staring at the scar across Saïx’s face, and how only a few months ago their roles had been reversed. The wound that _Isa_ had received just as present on Saïx’s face. He hadn’t let anyone near him for days, not even Axel. He’d gone as far as lashing out at Lexaeus and Vexen when they’d tried to help.

He had gotten so fed up of seeing his best friend suffering through the obvious pain he was in alone. Even though he didn’t _feel_ anything other than a hollow sort of ache when he looked at the wound across his face, he knew he couldn’t just leave him be. So Axel had snuck into his room in the middle of the night, with stolen supplies—the same ones Saïx had now, he noted—and a quiet offer to help.

They’d been just as silent then too, until Saïx had brought up the marks on Axel’s face, commenting on how they were like the ones he would draw on his cheeks. Axel had no explanation for why they were there, just that they were. He wondered if it had anything to do with how he faintly remembered crying when he’d seen Isa’s face, cries that turned into incoherent screams, before the apprentice he knew as Xehanort ultimately got tired of his incessant noise.

It had taken a while, but Axel thought that both of them were back to normal. Or at least their new approximation of it, all things considered. Sure, Saïx was more cautious than he’d ever known Isa to be, but it wasn’t out of the ordinary. They were still themselves, underneath it all.

Axel closed his eyes. The way Saïx was gently brushing the cloth over his cheeks was rhythmic, and lulling him away from things he didn’t necessarily want to ruminate over. But Xemnas’ reminders that they didn’t have hearts with which to feel bounced around in his head, and maybe it was true but that didn’t mean they weren’t still friends, that they still didn’t have an inseparable bond. That they weren’t still two halves of the same soul.

He thought that Saïx would probably laugh at him if he knew that he still genuinely believed in that, tell him that whatever they might have had before and whatever they might have been before was impossible now. Axel might have laughed at it too, after all what use was having a soul if you didn’t even have a heart? And without a heart, did they even have souls?

A small hiss escaped him as Saïx brushed over the bridge of his nose, eyes snapping open to stare back at him.

“Sorry,” Saïx hesitated before he continued on with his task.

“S’okay.”

“You’re awful quiet, you want to tell me what you’re thinking about?”

“Not really.”

“How about telling me what you’ve really been doing instead of assignments?”

“I told you, it was nothing.”

“And I told _you_ , not to lie to me.”

Axel sighed at his words. He was stupid for thinking Saïx would let it go. For believing that Saïx wouldn’t be able to see right past his vague excuses of being bored.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Saïx stopped his slow motions across Axel’s cheek, dropping his hand so it hovered between the two of them limply. He watched Axel for a few moments before taking the cloth to his other cheek. “Okay.” He cleaned up the rest of Axel’s face in silence, pushing his red hair out of his face carefully. He made a small face and Axel assumed he could finally see whatever bruising was blemishing his skin.

He hated the silence, hated how Saïx was so willing to just let it drop, that he wasn’t pressing for more. He exhaled before turning his head away from Saïx, ignoring the other boy's protest.

“I went home.”

“I’m sorry, you _what_?” His voice was low, an edge to it that Axel didn’t like the sound of.

“No one saw me.”

“That you know of.”

“Give me some credit! No one saw me, I made sure of it.”

He watched as Saïx dropped the washcloth back in the bowl, the water having long since turned a sickly shade of red. He picked up the gauze, gripping it in his hands till his knuckles turned white. Axel frowned, before deciding he should carry on. “I just wanted to see them. Make sure they were okay, y’know.”

“You _can’t_.”

“Kinda late for that, don’t you think?”

“And?” He brought a hand to Axel’s jaw, lifting his face up a little rougher than he should have. He was annoyed, Axel could tell. “Did you?”

Axel tried lowering his head again, not wanting to look at Saïx, but the other boy held his jaw in place, ignoring the way Axel’s face twitched at it. He did as Saïx wanted, keeping his head still as he carefully aligned the gauze on his cheek. “I did.”

He couldn’t bring himself to look Saïx in the eyes, so he settled for closing them as he breathed out a heavy sigh. “She… looks so sad, Isa. And it’s like, I should feel bad for her y’know? But I just don’t care, and I feel like that should scare me and it doesn’t.”

He winced again as Saïx pressed against his cheek, making sure the tape held the gauze in place and watched him as he stood up. Saïx pulled a t-shirt from his drawers and began tearing at it. “And hey, listen, Isa. The place looks bad, I barely saw any other people around. It’s like it's turning into a ghost town or something. And those shadow things are everywhere.” He let Saïx prod at his arm, moving it around as he began tying the shirt he’d ruined into a knot, making some sort of sling for Axel’s arm. “The outer gardens look especially bad too, like for every one of those shadows in town, there’s like a dozen of them outside.” 

Saïx was looking at him incredulously as Axel relayed what he’d seen. “You know, aside from your mom, this would have been helpful as a report, right?” He picked up a small green bottle from the dresser and uncorked it, holding it out toward Axel. “Here. It should help with the pain, probably not the bones though. It’s my last one too, so you owe me.”

Axel took the bottle from him, drinking the contents quickly before he carried on telling Saïx what he’d seen. “Something’s really wrong there, Isa. It feels wrong. And I can’t just go tell them about this now, y’know.” If he was to write up a report with what he’d found now, they’d know for sure that not only had he been slacking on work, he’d been sneaking off where he wasn’t supposed to be. He didn’t even know if anyone else had already reported the findings in the first place. His friend nodded at him slowly, probably coming to the same conclusion.

“Everything is wrong, Isa. _We’re_ wrong.” He picked at the bedsheet with his free hand. Saïx huffed at him, sitting back down beside Axel this time, picking up his hand before he pulled at the loose threads and ruined his sheets. He carefully took off the glove that Axel was still wearing, and ran his thumb over his knuckles softly. It was something he had done as Isa all the time, and Axel was staring at him with wide eyes.

Axel shifted closer to him, letting his head drop against his shoulder. He didn’t know if it was a thing he had the capacity to miss, Isa just holding his hand the way he was doing. He didn’t know if it was because it was something he remembered, or if it brought some sort of familiar comfort, but the action alone had effectively knocked whatever energy he had left right out of him.

“Hey, Isa? I‘m tired.”

“I know.”

Saïx moved Axel’s hand into his lap, holding it between both of his own. His thumb continuing to trace lazy patterns across Axel’s palm. It was relaxing, comforting in a way that Axel couldn’t quite explain. He’d have been happy to just stay here like this for an eternity if he had to. He could feel his eyes getting heavier and buried his face against Saïx’s shoulder, ignoring the discomfort across his nose.

“Isa?” His voice was barely a whisper, not wanting to ruin the moment. “Can I stay here, just for the night?”

He received a small hum from Saïx in recognition, a quiet, contented sound. Neither of them made any effort to move until Saïx eventually seemed to regain his senses, letting go of Axel’s hand. He pouted as Saïx moved the things he’d gathered onto the dresser, and he promised he wasn’t staring when he turned his back on him to change into sweatpants, and threw his own coat on top of the chair with Axel’s.

Axel didn’t remember falling asleep. He didn’t even remember getting into bed at all, but waking up in the middle of the night with Saïx still sleeping next to him, his chest flush against Axel’s back felt nice. The way his arm had snaked around his waist and sought out Axel’s hand, or the way their legs had become intertwined. It felt like before. When it had just been the two of them in Lea’s room, figuring out what it was they were to each other, what it was they wanted to be.

With Saïx still sleeping, he knew it was early. He knew that it meant he didn’t have to be awake just yet. So he closed his eyes and tugged Saïx’s arm around him tighter, and let sleep take him once more.

**Author's Note:**

> this was originally intended for the day 5 prompt of reports / "please dont lie to me".. it kind of got away from me and the original prompt a bit and it took a little longer to finish than i would have liked. anyway the title for this is stolen shamelessly from bastille.
> 
> a big, huge, massive thank you to fluffled for beta reading this as usual but, especially this time around. i rly appreciate it. and to anyone who left kudos or comments on my previous works, thank you SO much, it means the world to me.


End file.
